Sweetest Sixteen.


My sweet sixteen?

It was sweet. One of the sweetest years of my life. Of course not everything went well that year, but all the sweetness is what I still remember up til this day. Sophomore year of high school, don’t you think its the best? Angst. crush, finding out who you are, trying to be this and that. I did a lot of things during my 16th year of life. But, yeah, my birthday was one of the best.

I had many guy friends during high school, and not much girl friends. Many actually, but I had a whirlwind time fitting in and finding out how to act around them. Very much part of growing up, right? So at that time I hung out more with the boys. I felt that I can relate more to them than to the girls. They, in return, gave me a special treatment. I was part of the boys, but they still treated me more delicately than to boys. They were my extended family at school and after school.

The eve of my birthday, I slept at my room, like normal days. On the stroke of midnight, I was waiting for the first “Happy Birthday” text from anybody when my mom knocked my door. When I got out to the family room, there they were. The five of them, in the middle of the night. They came to the place the dubbed as “The Forest”. It was pretty late for us kids that time, and my house is far from theirs. So they sweetly asked my mom whether they could bunk in at our house for the night. My mom know these boys since they were kids, so she said yes, but after they called each of their parents’. 

That night, we had fun. We were figuring out how should they sleep, since there’s no way they could sleep in one bed as I was. So the most sensible thing was for them to sleep at my sister’s room, yes the five of them. Three on the top bed, and two on the bottom pullout bed. We were laughing how ridiculous it was. Three hours passed, we were tired eventually and slept.

The next morning, I was the one who woke up first. I went to my sister’s room and watch them sleeping. Like watching puppies. Half an hour later they were all awake and we laughed more. It was one of the sweetest moment in my teenage years. Waking up in the morning of my birthday in my own house with my best friends, whom are boys. 



TGIF. Literally.


As any citizen of this planet would know, today is Friday. The last day of working days, of listening to whirlwind meetings, of catching up deadlines, before we go through the cycle again on Monday. From what I see, most people have two state of mind on Fridays, 1. Oh crap! got to finish this work before the weekends and everybody goes home early; or 2. Oh, what the hell. Today is already Friday. Everything else can be done on Monday. Hello Weekends!!. This morning, my state of mind was the latter part.

I ain’t give shit on today’s work and just couldn’t resist the bliss of weekend. The most part of the morning, all I thought about was lunch and where should I go tonight before going home. Don’t judge me yet, my daydreaming was supported by the fact I had 50% of my job done by morning. I know my work rhythm and how to manage time, thank you very much. As I was saying, I was pretty sure my colleagues were thinking the same thing as I was, so I took the liberty of forming a mini dinner group for tonight. There’s this new sushi place that everyone in my circle (ie. Path) is talking about, so we were thinking of going there and check out the scene. By noon, almost everyone agreed on going out tonight, but still haven’t decided the place. That’s when my mild mood started to crumble.

My senior colleagues have the tendency to be panicky and stuff. One was breathing down my neck since morning, but got really agitated after lunch.Today, she had the number 1 state of mind. I hate being chased out like that, so I did my best and pulled some strings to make miracle happen. Thank God, I succeeded. On the other hand, the mentioned colleague changed her mind and said “what about doing this Monday morning?”. Pissed as I was, I had to explain to the sources of the strings I pulled that I don’t need the favors I asked earlier. All but one sources were understanding enough. This one very important source called me and said that if I ever needed this kind of favor again, he will not entertain it. There goes my credibility, off the window. I was furious.

After that incident, all I wanted to do was to get out of the office. So I gathered my mini group again to finalize the place and the time we bail the office. Another strike, they got indecisive and finally the highlight of my day got cancelled. Within three hours today, I got pissed twice. I was super sulky, I turned off my laptop once the clock stroked 5.30 PM.

The ex-mini dinner group caught me at the office lobby and were asking whether I was pissed or not. They’ve got to be kidding me. I was in no mood of being jolly. Without answering the question I went straight to the elevator. I know I was being crappy, but I think my excuse was good enough.

Both events just made my day too tiring to smile. I had no plans and just wanted to smoke. I went to the building lobby and lit up a cigarette. While my mind went to limbo viewing the smoke dancing in the air, someone called my name from behind. It was this guy from my office floor. The one I deliberately acted like a dumb blonde a few days ago (though I’m a brunette).

He asked me what I was doing there all alone, and because I was still part at limbo, I instantly said “I don’t know”. I think he was concern that he asked me to come with him sit at the building’s plaza. Just when we got a table, he asked me again, “what do you want to drink?”. I’ve never been asked that way before by a guy I just knew, dumbfounded, I said “anything”.

While waiting for him, I thought his way was cool. No small talk, no nothing. He came with two drinks and started asking why I looked woeful and other stuff. So I told him the highlight of my crappy day. He asked me which drink I want, and I said “whichever is fine”, but he insists that I choose first. I thought that was very gentleman of him. So I picked the apple tea. He listens well and this was my first time actually talking to him.

I really hope there will be more conversations with him any time soon. I want to know more about him. I also really hope he’s single. A girl is allowed to dream..

Until then…


Give my heart a break!


One of my new year resolution is to workout 3 times a week. I point that out 3 weeks before NYE. The reason behind it : 1. Literally out of shape, 2. No longer flexible, 3. Got a minor heart problem (very minor + I smoke). Knowing that I tend to back out impulsively, the day after I tied myself down by signing up to a gym chain that could be classified as quite expensive. The monthly payment really hurts my wallet.

I have a very bad habit of sleeping late in the morning every time there’s a big meeting or deadline the next day, which leaves me with only 2-3 hours of sleep. With my “more than 9 to 5” working hour, it took its toll on my health , my heart specifically. I had nausea, fell, and fainted during simple activities, like bathing. The doctor gave me the exact same medicine he gave to my grandma. It first happened in 2012, it was far worse than last year’s though. Because it already happened twice in the period of one year, it gave me quite a scare.

The day I signed up for the gym membership, I was excited and made plans like what to wear, how to get there etc. Unfortunately, one day before the scheduled gym premier date, I fell at the mall. My heart just didn’t want to go to the gym and was desperately asking for an appropriate break. Before it becomes as bad as the year before, I took precaution and had a proper life cycle for 2 weeks. Had 8 hours of sleep, left the office at 5, ate healthy, drank plenty of water, and wore flats. 

Ever since my 2 weeks break, I haven’t succeed the workout plan. 15% no time, 30% scared, 55% plain lazy. So now, I really need to make an elaborate plan to kick myself and go to the wallet-wrenching gym!

Wish me luck! 




One day I was asked by a friend of mine, “do you still like him ? do you still think about him?”

This was my answer :

“Apparently he is still inside.

Hiding deep between the vague layers.

Popping up once in a while to reminisce the clinging past.

Shattered here and there, yet impeccably tied with thin strings to keep it as a whole.

So when I pick them up again, it will always be as good as it used to.”

Chat Time, Chatime


So I spent last weekend at KL.  Why KL? Because I’m impulsive and was thinking more with my heart than my brain at the time.My Friends asked me “Why not SG?” and I gave them the explanation that I was in the mood of being total anti-mainstream, no offense.

Little did they know, the mini buried obsession I had was that my crush (or former crush, or whatever) went there alone a few months ago. He seemed to enjoy his mini vaycay there, because he elegantly bragged about it by posting photos on Path (don’t mind my judgement, not over him). Like I said, KL is a not so obvious choice compared to SG, so not many people on my circle goes there.

I’m very irrational at times. I spent money to go to a place just to secretly get an excuse to have a fun conversation with someone who may or (most probably) may not care, but I already did it. I went to KL and have no idea where to go……which gave me an excuse to abruptly call the person of interest.

Nearing midnight, while drinking Chatime in front the hotel, after impulsively calling a friend, I got bored and used the excuse of being at KL and not knowing where to go as a logical basis. Again, I’m very impulsive, so the moment he picked up the phone we had an impromptu conversation which lasted for hours and ended with a dinner appointment. Pathetic, aren’t I? But hey, I’m happy with the outcome.

I should really get over this phase.